Twisted Hearts
by brit-tah-nah
Summary: Santana's life takes a turn when her childhood friend, Brittany, suddenly came back to her life in her senior year. Slowly they slip back to their old patterns until falling in love became a problem. Soon they both discover that love is just a little complicated. Badass!Santana.
1. Chapter 1

It was another hot afternoon in Lima Ohio. The sun was blaring and Santana could practically feel the sweat dripping down her body. She supposed she could have stayed inside but that damn history teacher, Bates, was seriously getting on her nerves. So fuck, she bolted out of that class before she snaps at how boring it all was. She'd rather be out here smoking in the heat than having to sit around pretending to be listening to his droning voice.

She knows she shouldn't have ditched class. She's already in her last warning before they kick her out or worse make her join the glee club. Ugh. She doesn't even need that singing show choir shit. Just thinking about it makes her wanna drop out of school all together. Who the fuck even sings about feelings?

So yeah, getting in trouble was the last thing she would even want, despite the fact that she seems to always find herself in one. It's not her fault though, people were just assholes. She almost snorted thinking of how Figgins would react if she'd be sent in his office again. That's going be three times today if she would have gotten caught that is. Good thing Bates pays more attention to his voice than the actual class to notice her disappearance.

She continued puffing some smokes watching it slowly disappear in the air. Days like this were always a drag.

"Fuck. Its hot," she mumbled getting cranky by the extreme heat.

"Hell yeah," a voice beside her commented.

She nodded her head knowing full well that her friend's response was directed to the cheerleaders, the Cheerios, practicing out in the field. She took another drag of smoke before replying, "Don't you have some other victims to annoy Puckerman?"

Her companion ran his hands on his mo-hawk hair. It reminded Santana of a dead squirrel she once found on the road just outside her house. She almost want to touch it just to see if its a decaying carcass or not.

"Can't a guy just chill with his friend, Lopez?"

Santana snorted as she motions towards the cheerios, " More like to perv on them."

"Well that too. Call it a benefit to getting to hang out with you," Puck winked at her giving her a sleazy smile.

"You're such an ass," she joked, softly slapping his shoulder.

"Hey don't hate. You use to be one one of them."

"That was a long time ago," she muttered.

There was a moment of peaceful silence as they both continued to watch the Cheerios, the red and white uniforms standing out from the dry open football field. A small part of Santana misses being part of that group.

Perhaps it was due to her childhood dream. A once upon a time promise she had made to someone a long long time ago. Somehow she felt that if she keeps putting on her uniform, she could at least fulfill her promise. But she knew she couldn't kid herself into believing that. She knew right from the start, as soon as she had tried out, that "she" wouldn't come back to her. So quitting became an easier option as the days passed by.

But it wasn't only that. She almost snorted at how silly she was. Her childhood dream and promise soon became mixed with everything else. She thought that being a cheerleader and being high up in that social ladder could fix everything up. That it could fix her up. She hid herself with the status and power. As long as she's in the Cheerio she's invincible. No one could question her. But as days went by it was getting harder and harder for her to fake a smile. Still she stayed pushing her feelings away and keeping it locked inside.

She held on with the thought that Cheerio was her safety net. It was a place where she could hide herself from the world and feel protected. That is until everything got too much and she finally cracked. All the feelings she kept stomping down kept pushing back. And it just all felt too suffocating for her. The harsh whispers, the disgusted stares, it had all felt like she was becoming the very whisper she hears. It was harder and harder to get up and look at herself in the mirror.

Her once safety net became the very net that had caged her. So she quit even if she felt like she was stripping her armour that she had spent a few good years of her life building. It felt good to be free of those confinements, for the first time in a long time she felt like she could breathe again, that she could finally be her again. But the stares and whispers didn't stop there, it got a whole lot worse.

With no status and power to protect her, she surrounded herself with alcohol and cigarettes to calm the storm within her chest that always seem to rage on. She welcomed it like a new skin. The once model student fell and became the rebellious teen that had many people frown upon.

But sometimes, a fleeting thought comes to her like a snowflake that instantly melts from a simple touch. A thought where she wishes she could wear that red and white armour once more. Who could blame her? She was the Cheerio captain for god sakes. Youngest one in fact. She was invincible, at least for a while she felt like it. That is until shit just turned into something shittier. She shook her head dismantling her thoughts from going back to memory lane, that's something she rarely ventures on to.

She wiped her forehead feeling the moisture that had slowly accumulated. With this current weather, she's fucking happy she had quit. She doesn't even know how they could even handle that much practicing in this intense weather. Not that she cares, those Cheerios were all fucking bitches anyway. Well except for Quinn she suppose.

Quinn Fabray was only half a bitch. She's a great friend and all but god damn that girl could really pack some powerful slap. She knows this cause she's been a victim of it a lot more times than she is proud to admit. She doesn't even know where Quinn even got that strength from. Definitely not from the Cheerio practices that they've been doing because Santana hasn't developed that kind of power. She guesses her blonde friend must have went to some intense slapping training school or something cause she's pretty sure that one time when Quinn had slapped her, her whole jaw got dislocated. She couldn't talk for days.

Her thoughts got interrupted when Puck gently nudged her, "Heard about today. Tough luck huh?"

"That fucking bitch had it coming."

Puck chuckled at Santana's response. Everyone has it coming when it comes to Santana, "and the dude?"

"Well he was being a dick. So I kicked his nuts," she said blowing another smoke. "He's lucky that that's the only damage he got. His fucking dick was so small I almost missed it. I guess I see why he tries to compensate for it by being such a fucking huge dick."

"Can't blame you for that one," Puck nodded knowing full well the sleazy comments Santana gets from people. Her friend had "come out" or more like, was forcibly pushed out two years ago when someone from school had caught her making out with another girl at some college party. And let's just say in a small town Ohio, where small news gets to the daily news broadcast, it spread like wildfire pretty fast. People latch on the news like a leech and Santana had become the centre of everyone's judgmental attention. "How bad is the verdict?"

Santana shrugged, "Figgins only gave me a warning. I'm on my last one before they start kicking me out and shit." She twisted the stub of the cigarette on the bleacher putting it out before chucking it. "There's glee too."

"No fucking way," Puck chuckled at the disgusted look Santana was sporting. "I can't imagine you in there. But fuck you'll be a great there. It's not as bad as you think, you know."

"You sound just like Berry, Puckerman. I'm sure she'll be beaming with happiness if that ever happens. She's been asking me to join." Santana had to roll her eyes. Rachel Berry had been annoyingly persistent with her recruitment despite her making it loud and clear that it would never happen. "Never say never Santana," Rachel would always respond. She had to roll her eyes again. Fuck Berry and her karma shit.

"Oh comeon' you know you enjoy being her friend," Puck teased her knowing full well how Santana cares for Rachel, despite her blasé attitude.

"Ugh, as if her ego isn't big enough. She doesn't need that information to make it bigger."

"That's true. I wouldn't even wanna be there when that happens." Puck shivered from the thought. "Oh yeah I almost forgot, have you met your new neighbour yet? The talk is...she's one little hottie."

"New neighbour?" She asked surprised. She hasn't been to her house for a few days so the new neighbour news was definitely a surprise for her. Fuck. She didn't even know the house next door was even for sale. "What the hell happened to old Mrs. Johnson?"

"Mrs. Johnson had to sell it. She's too old to maintain her house and shit. I liked her. She always tips well when I go clean her pool."

"Ugh. Gross. I don't need to know that cougar MILF fantasy you had going on with her Puck."

"Not that kind of pool. Geez and I thought I was the perv. But anyways I guess no more midnight skinny dipping in that pool with the new people in town." Puck stated sadly.

"Trust me. You did the world a favour," she commented. She had seen Puck, more times than she had liked, out in that pool having some midnight rendezvous with a Cheerio or some poor girl who was looking for some night adventure. She internally cringe at that thought. At least now instead of a naked Puck out her window maybe she'd see her naked hot new neighbour. Definitely an improvement.

"You love seeing this. Don't think I didn't see you checking me out," Puck flexed his arms causing her to roll her eyes.

"Hence why I'am a lesbian."

Puck chuckled, "Maybe we know them. Mercedes told me their family use to live here."

"That woman. I swear she'll die without any gossips in her system," she said thoughtfully. She really thinks it's true. If you've met Mercedes you'll know what she means. "But why the fuck would anyone want to go back in this cow town?"

Puck shrugged his gazed straight towards the field, " Who knows what those people are smoking. But I'm not complaining. New fresh hottie in the market and she starts tomorrow. Totally calling dibs on her."

"Whatever." She couldn't care less if another pretentious wanna be comes to school. "She'll probably be another cheer hoe."

"Don't let Quinn hear you say that."

There was another silence until Puck glanced at his brunette friend remembering why he really came up to her.

"Are you gonna be okay San?" Puck suddenly asked worried. "Tomorro-"

"Don't get all mushy on me now," she said cutting him off as she looked away wanting to end the conversation.

"Fine," he huffed. "You still hooking up with Riley was it? Dude she's hot." He smirked looking like he's having a little too much fun imagining Santana and Riley getting it on.

She scrunches her face at Puck's behaviour. Maybe if she ignores him he would go away. Her silence however did not stop Puck from asking, "When are you going to get in on that?"

"Get in on what?" she asked. "Coz if its getting it on you're asking I already had got it on."

"Do tell me mor-," before Puck could finish his sentence he was slapped again in his shoulder. "I'm kidding. That's not what I even meant. Man you and Quinn can really hit it." Puck mumbled rubbing the spot the brunette had hit him. "Remind me never to piss you off."

"You always piss me off. Ugh. Stop being such a wuss," she rolled her eyes, "Aren't you suppose to be the "running back"?" She air quoted standing up, having enough of the heat and now Puck. "And besides you know me Puckerman," she said walking away, "I don't do relationships."


	2. Chapter 2

Shit. That was what Santana felt like when she woke up that morning. She shouldn't have gone out drinking with Riley but Rosario Cruz, her fake ID alter ego, had another say to that. She barely remembers what happened after her six going on seven shot of tequila. On top of the migraine she's getting from the leftover effects of the alcohol she assumes she must have inhaled, her head feels like she's been hit by a truck. And why the fuck is she wearing two bras? Whatever, Santana thought. It wasn't like it's the craziest morning she has ever woken up to. She just needs to sleep this through and hopefully by tomorrow the throbbing pain will be gone.

Wait tomorrow? Her eyes went wide as she sprung up from bed. It would have been funny if she didn't feel like her head is about to split open.

"Shit shit shit," she muttered stumbling a little from the littered clothes all around when she realized she was late for school. She can't afford to be in more shit than she already is. Just thinking of what Figgins had told her causes her to shiver. Fuck. There's no way she'd risk being in glee club. So, she ignored the splitting headache she's having when she rushes to get ready while silently cursing herself every moment she got.

It was already 10:20 am. She had already missed the first class and was late for her second. She grumbled, cursing once more for allowing Rosario (herself) to succumb to drinking so much late last night.

There were a couple of text messages and missed calls from Berry, Quinn and Puck. Of course the three stooges were going to text and call her. She rolled her eyes, instantly regretting doing so as the room started spinning around her once more. She can't even mentally scold herself for being too hangover because of the _hangover_.

"What the hell happened to you?" Quinn said to Santana. The brunette looked like she was a scene from Zombieland, which was a contrast to her always pristine look. "And why do you have a huge bump in your forehead?"

"Fuck, can you be any more louder Fabray?" she hissed, cradling her head.

She was already in a foul mood and she didn't need Quinn's annoying presence around her. But now that the blonde had mentioned it, why does she have a huge bump in her head?

"You should go home and rest San."

Ugh. She knows that she should have just stayed in her room in the first place. Then she wouldn't have to face Fabray's annoyingness right now. But as much as she hates how irritating Quinn could be, she would have hated it even more if she had stayed in her room. She couldn't stand being in that house. Growing up she use to love coming home but a lot has changed and things were a lot different now. Home became just another place she would sometimes sleep in and shower at. She'd rather face the agony of school with her current hangover than to stay cooped up in that suffocating room.

And it was agony indeed. The day was just terrible. She already got in trouble with her second period geography teacher, Doosenbury, for being tardy yet _again_. Bitch should be glad she even came even with a massive hangover. That's a new level of determination, at least for her. So Doosenbury should at least be grateful for that. And who would even want to go to a class whose teacher's name was Doosenbury? That name itself is just practically calling for jokes.

What's worse was she couldn't even manage to throw a nasty response without throwing her vomit along with it. So she kept her mouth shut for once and endured being scolded, while "Snoozebury" stood triumphant and somewhat surprised by her lack of response. If only that bitch knew that she has mentally been running her over with her car. It would have definitely wiped that ugly smirk off her face.

On top of it, Figgins had congratulated her for being the new member of the New Directions Glee Club, something that she wanted to avoid in the first place. So as soon as he said it, that's when she lost it.

Her vomit. Who could blame her? Figgins was totally asking for it if you ask her. He even had a decency to give her a sympathetic look knowing full well what he was about to do. Who the fuck does that? So throwing up definitely wasn't her greatest moment but not something she regrets because lets face it, he deserved it. To say the least, by lunchtime, the vomit drenched Figgins had excused her for the rest of the day on a basis of a stomach flu. So really, who's the real winner here?

"You should stop drinking yourself to numbness," Quinn murmured frowning at her friend's indisposed condition. "I'm just really worried San."

"And who the fuck told you to," Santana mumbled at her blonde friend. "No one asked you to be here."

She was irritated at everyone and at everything. Geez she only went out to drink. It just so happens to be on the day she hated the most. It was the day her parents officially got divorce, her mom had packed her bags and left, while her dad buried himself to work not being able to stand seeing his good for nothing daughter. Not only that, she was disowned by her own abuela for being a devil's spawn, just because she just so happens to love girls the way she's suppose to feel about boys. So excuse her for wanting to numb everything out.

There are just way too many emotions and too many feelings that comes back. She needed to drink herself to numbness until she forgets everything. That's why she and Riley went out late last night for a much needed drink. One drink led to another and another until she couldn't even remember what and how many drinks she had had. She guesses it wasn't enough because the numbing effect was slowly disappearing and everything was starting to hurt again. She wishes the migraine would just take over her just so she doesn't remember any of _it._

Before she could wallow herself into more despair, she felt a soft hand rubbing her back. It was soothing to say the least. She normally would have snapped and punch the person touching her but she took comfort in that small gesture. She told herself it was because she was too busy cradling her head to even say or do anything. Plus she wasn't in any mood for a nice slap from Quinn.

"Here. Rachel asked me to give this to you," the blonde said handing her some aspirin while continuing to rub her back. "She knew you'd need it."

She grunted in reply while taking a couple of tablet. Quinn would just annoy her to no end if she doesn't take it but she definitely has no intention of drinking it. At least not yet.

"We can't help worry about you," Quinn said after awhile. "Will you be okay getting home?" Getting another grunt, the blonde finally stood up.

"Okay. Call us if you need anything." And with that Quinn quietly left the brooding brunette to her own. Despite how Santana acts like a cold-hearted bitch immune to any emotions, she knows that deep inside Santana is still hurting. Why else would she drink more than usual every year on this particular day? As much as Quinn wanted to stay, she knew Santana needed the space and she knew full well that her presence would really do no good to the brunette.

Santana doesn't know how long she was there but she appreciated the silence. She was sitting in the same spot for the past few hours, except this time she's taking gulps of Whiskey from the bottle that she always carries in her bag. At least that bag was useful for something, she thought.

She briefly wondered how her life fucked up so bad for her to end up drinking alone in this run down old classroom on a friday afternoon. Who the fuck did she even pissed off to get this much punishment? Why her? Why did it have to be her? If she could have just love a boy then maybe her parents would have still been together. Maybe her mother wouldn't have cried herself to sleep every night praying her sins away, until it got to the point where she had reached her breaking point and she just up and left, just like that. Maybe then her father won't forget that he still has a daughter. Maybe she really was an abomination like what her abuela had yelled amidst the holy water she had sprayed on her. Maybe that's why her life is a fucking mess.

"Ugh," she groaned in frustration. She didn't need this kind of thinking. "Screw her abuela. Screw everyone," she mumbled taking another gulp.

The alcohol was burning her throat but that was the last thing on her mind. She kept drinking until her throat felt raw and sore and her head throbbed even more, even after that she kept drinking and drinking until she felt nothing. It became a soothing relief for her. A craving she seeks refuge in.

She didn't know what time she left the room but it must have been after school hours as the school halls were already empty. She was definitely glad for it though cause she was in no mood to talk to anyone. She swears she's a few seconds away from unleashing Snixx.

Walking around she noted how huge the hallways looks when it's empty. It was a contrast to the busy and crowded hallways in which people always had to maneuver themselves around to get to class. She didn't have to do that though, people part ways in fear every time she walks by. It was a skill she had mastered and retained even after she retired her Cheerio captaincy.

She marveled at the red lockers that lined up the path as she continued her walk. Back then when she was a freshman, the lockers were so pristine and new, but now it just simply looks barren, empty and dull. She could even see the cheap red paintings that chipping off and she noted the different dents and the many small graffiti littered around. She realizes nothing beautiful ever stays the same.

Before she knows it, her feet had taken her to the auditorium where she could hear some music playing. Curious, she opened the door only to be surprised that the room was empty. She was about to leave when the lights on the stage flickered on and a tall blonde girl walked in the middle of the stage and started to dance.

She should have left, after all, this is none of her business. She never stays for this kind of shit, but she found it impossible to move as each second goes by.

She was entranced.

Maybe its the way, the girl had rhythmically move through the beats of the music, or maybe its the way the girl's blonde hair flowed freely as she carried herself gracefully that reminded Santana of a distant past.

A familiar feeling swept through her and she felt a sense of serenity. Thoughts of an old playground, scrapes knees, and something bright and warm flashed through her memory. She allowed herself to succumb to those images. Finally realizing the brightness had come from the sun that was swooping down on her. She had just fallen off the slide not too long ago and her knees were hurting. A voice had called her and she looked up to see a little girl whose hands were extended out towards her. She squints trying to get a glimpse of the girl's identity. But the brightness of the sun had made it impossible to do so, that all she could see was the girl's shoulder length blonde hair, which had captured every ray of sunlight forming a golden halo around the girl's head. It reminded her of an angel that her abuela used tell to her about. She unconsciously smiled, all the pain in her knees forgotten. And then it was over. The feeling was gone in an instant and she immediately misses it.

It wasn't until the music stopped that she realized that the girl had stopped dancing and was looking at her. She could feel her heart growing unsteady and suddenly she felt uneasy. Maybe it's because she got caught looking like one of those creeps with binoculars. She definitely didn't want to be known as the new Jacob Ben Israel aka Jewfro. But she knows it wasn't that because god knows how many times she had gotten caught doing something she wasn't suppose to do. She couldn't exactly pin point why her heart was beating a little fast or why her breathing suddenly become so erratic but it must have something to do with the girl and the way she was looking at her.

Not wanting to stay one second longer to the source of her gnawing feeling, which had really started to annoy her, she swiftly turned around ready to exit, only to be surprised when she collided with something very hard and something definitely concrete. Then she gracefully, as graceful as anyone could be in that situation, fell on the floor. The last thing she remembers was how much she really hated this day because who the fuck runs into a wall and passes out? Clearly her.


	3. Chapter 3

Shit. That's the first thing Santana had thought of when she woke up. For some odd reason she felt a sense of _deja vu_. She blinked her eyes allowing them to slowly adjust to its surrounding. A sigh of relief fell upon her when she realized she was in her own bedroom.

Rubbing her temple she immediately flinched in pain. Ugh. Why does her forehead feels so heavy? Well heavier than the usual hangover shit she gets. She frowned feeling a cooling patch slapped on her forehead. What the fuck?

Everything was moving around, thoughts of dancing doors and floating poles were flashing on her head. She frowned trying to remember what the hell happened. The memories soon came to her like a freight of train which was soon followed by a wave of embarrassment when she slowly pieced together what had happened today or maybe yesterday or whatever time it was. She remembered how she had hit her head twice in the last 24 hours. The first was on the pole when she was on her way home after the night out with Riley. Then the second was when she hit the wall in the auditorium when she was trying to get out the door after seeing that dancing blondie. After that, she passed out. Fuck how long was she out? And how the hell did she even get home?

Before she could think any further she felt a wave of nausea consume her. She bolted to the bathroom where she heaved, clutching the toilet like her life depended on it, as she watches the contents of the alcohol swivels around the bowl. She stayed there for half an hour, not moving until she felt the world slowly settling down around her.

Ugh. She looked horrible when she saw her reflection. Her hair was everywhere, her make up smudged and a small vomit was evident on her mouth. She looked closely examining her forehead and internally smiled when she saw no bruising around the patch.

She wasn't new to bruises. She's been to too many fights for her days. She won all of them of course. Except that one fight with Zizes. It totally ruined her all winning streak. It was her win if you ask her, some may argue that, given that Zizes had thrown in a few good punches and she was thrown across the floor, but it's all in the perspective. Zizes should be thanking her lucky stars that Beiste had stopped her from going all Lima Heights cause it would definitely show that wagon beast who's the real winner there.

On the other hand, all those other fights that she had won had given her a reputation not to be messed around with and only a few crazies, rest their souls, had approached her. But thinking about how she got her injuries in her forehead made her internally cringe. Ugh. Definitely not something she'd be proud of saying.

She checked the time and grinned. It was already 2 am on a Saturday. That means she could sleep the whole day without any disturbance. Taking a quick shower to remove the smell of vomit and alcohol, she headed straight to bed but not before drinking the medicine that was conveniently placed beside her table. She'll figure out who put that there later for now sleep is calling her.

She was in the midst of a wonderful dream when she was woken up by the persistent ringing on her phone.

"What?" she exasperatedly answered, deeply annoyed at whoever was disturbing her sleep. She already thought of two ways to torture whoever the fuck woke her up.

"Santana I've been calling you since last night. Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was? This is not good for my vocals you know? Stress causes straining in the muscles and I can't have that when I'm trying to-"

"Ugh Berry. Stop shouting you're giving me a fucking headache."

"Well where are you?"

"Where else am I suppose to be?"Santana asked irritated. "I'm fucking in my room."

"Santana as your friend, I'm very well supportive of your sexual preference and I'm happy that you had fully embrace the sapphic love but I don't need to know the details of your-"

"Geezuz fucking christ. Calm your tits Berry. I'm in my room."

"Oh well, let me in," Rachel chimed way too happily.

"No. Go away and let me sleep afores I ends you."

"I brought a movie."

"Have you not been listening?"

"I also have food."

"Bribing won't work. Leave the food and take your musical DVD with you."

"It's not a musical," Rachel whined.

"You know lying won't work with me Berry. I'm the master of that," Santana grumbled. She was close to ripping out her own hair. "Or do I have to show you my trophy which I had won for being the best liar? Besides the only DVDs you've got are musicals."

"Fine. It's the Sound of Music. But you love that movie. So open up."

"No you only think I do. So take your DVD with you and leave the food with me. Kapish?"

Rachel thinking of a different tactic started ringing the doorbell, "You know, I can do this all day."

It was on the fifteen ring that Santana finally decided to open the door only to instantly regret her actions. She's totally going to dismantle that damn doorbell. Suppose she could have just slammed the door shut and pretend she was never home but she didn't wanna be rude. To the food of course. Who is she to turn down free food? Especially when its breadsticks. So she told herself that a few minutes with Berry wouldn't be that bad. But boy was she wrong.

"What happened to you face? You have a huge bump on your forehead."

"Geez Berry. If I wanted an update on my face I would have just looked into a mirror. I'm already ignoring the fact that I look like shit and the first thing you'd comment on is my face. Ever heard of the don't look don't ask rule?"

"I'm pretty sure you just made that up. I've never heard of that."

"Clearly you haven't." Santana rolled her eyes grabbing the box of breadsticks, her mood instantly brightening. Breadstick was her food tamer. Damn Berry for knowing her too well.

She was enjoying every bite of the heavenly goodness that she didn't notice Rachel was looking at her expectantly until the said girl started doing some mad ass fake coughing.

"What?" She mumbled with food stuffed in her mouth. "I'm hungry."

Rachel had to shake her head at Santana's behaviour. People at school would think twice at the girl's bad ass image if they see her now. Don't get her wrong Santana is scary, especially when Snixx is out. But lucky for her, she knows Santana's weakness. Or strength depending on the way you look at it. She remembers one time Santana went all Snixx to some poor girl who had accidentally bumped their table, which had almost led to a basket full of breadsticks dropping on the floor. It took a few bribes and a couple more basket of breadstick before Santana had settled down. But looking at Santana now, she looks practically harmless.

"If you could start explaining what happened that would be nice."

"Nothing to tell Dr. Phil," Santana said taking another bite.

"Fine. I guess you lose my home delivery breadstick privilege. You know how they don't even allow that Santana."

Santana stopped mid chew and looked at her almost appalled, "You wouldn't dare."

"I can be capable of those sort of things," Rachel shrugged acting indifferent. Of course she would never do that. Not only because Santana loves breadstick so much and she would hate to get in between the two of them but also because she didn't want to end up like the girl who had face the wrath of Snixx, who if she hasn't mention got a few scrapes and bruises at the end of it. It was a dangerous game but how else was Rachel suppose to know what's going on with her friend?

"Fine," Santana huffed looking away. "I got into some fights. No big deal."

There is no fucking way she's telling Berry the real reason why she got a bump in her forehead. She's embarrass about it herself so she doesn't need Berry adding more embarrassment to it. The only other person that knows is the mysterious dancing blondie but she hopes she doesn't ever have to see her again. And she doesn't have to worry about Riley. She's sure that that girl was as wasted as her that she probably would have hit a pole herself.

"What have I been telling you about fights Santana? One of these days you'll end up in a lot more trouble than you bargain for."

"I was raised in Lima Heights. Fighting is in my blood Berry. Why else would I have razors in my hair?" She rolled her eyes at her friend's lecture.

"Santana you only ever stayed there for a week to visit your abuela. So that doesn't count as you being raised there."

"Whatever. It's too late now anyways. Already IN trouble."

"Did they kick you out?" Rachel gasp dramatically. "I'm going to ask my Daddy to have a talk with Principal Figgins. As you know, Daddy is a lawyer so I'm sure he could do something about that. We could also remind Principal Figgins that you're among the top ten smart people in our year including me in McKinley High, and kicking you out would lower the average GPA of the school. Thus, ruining its reputation."

"As much as I appreciate you getting all fired up, which honestly is really funny when you get your panties in a bunch. I didn't get kicked out or get suspended. It's much worse."

"Worse?" Rachel asked nervously. "What could possibly be worse?" Rachel thought of all the worse possible scenarios that Santana could face, each becoming much worse than the last. First community service, then maybe its juvie, or what if Santana gets deported, or what if its execution?

"Well what is it?" Rachel asked tapping her foot impatiently when she realized Santana was ignoring her in favour of munching her food. "You know…For someone who might be executed you're awfully calm."

"Geez just let me finish- wait what? Executed? The fuck? I'm not getting executed Berry," Santana rolled her eyes for the nth time. Rachel can be so dramatic. "Figgins made me join the glee club."

"I'm sorry. I'm not sure I heard you correctly," Rachel said pointing to her ears. She swears she just heard Santana mention herself and glee club together. All in _one_ sentence.

"Ugh. Don't let me repeat it. It might spoil the food. We both know how your hearing is perfectly fine."

"I'm so happy," Rachel shrieked. "This is a wonderful news. I can't wait to show you the ropes and everything. You'll enjoy it Santana. I knew sooner or later you'll join the club. As the president let me be the first to welcome you." She clapped excitedly as she continued, "Now we can bond over great musicals and have duets together. This bonding experience would definitely make our friendship stronger."

Sometimes Santana think the real scary isn't her. It lies with Rachel Berry. Looking at the girl now she almost feared that she had sign up to some singing show choir cult. She had to hold the shiver that had pass through her body seeing the excitement in the girl. Execution wouldn't be a bad option right now. She conjured a number of ways it could even happen and each one was getting better and better than a happy bouncing Rachel who is still yabbing about musical songs and duet numbers.

The ring of the doorbell became music in her ears compared to Berry's nasal voice. She could really only handle so much of that girl. Before she starts twitching in one eye from being too overloaded with irritation. She was about to get up but Rachel had already beaten her to it.

"I'll get it," the way too happy brunette yodeled, yes yodeled, while skipping around like a gazelle. Santana shrugged, grabbing another breadstick, thinking that whoever is on the other side of the door would be smart enough to run for their life once they see a prancing Oompa-Loompa. She snorted at that thought.

"SANTANA," Rachel screech making her cringe at her friend's wide range voice.

Geezuz fucking god, she's sure even the old deaf guy from the other street had heard Berry yelling out her name. Whatever, she didn't like that old guy anyway. He never fails to give her a disappointed glare that almost says "there goes that damn lesbian" every time she drives by by his house. In turn, she would usually drive really slow every time she sees him outside his mustard cream porch just so she could spite him. It was pretty hilarious to see how long his disappointed glare would last. His current record was 30 seconds. She's trying to see if he could make it to 40.

"SANTANA," another loud screech.

Why the fuck is Rachel screeching her name so early in the, she glanced at the clock, afternoon? She's pretty sure didn't say the Oompa-Loompa comment out loud. But who knows what Rachel's ears could be like. Those things are so scary.

"There's a certain blonde out here for you," she heard her friend yell.

Thoughts of Quinn popped into Santana's head. She frowned, thinking about how her blonde friend should just really come in. Ugh she doesn't need to be in the door to greet her and welcome her in. Despite her name, Quinn ain't no fucking queen that needs a royal welcome. Fucking Fabray. That bitch was probably pissed off at her from yesterday. Grabbing the last breadstick, she stumped her way with an intent of lecturing Quinn.

That thought was wiped out of her mind once she reached the door. Her feet immediately halted and she swears her body had just relapse going by how her eyes went wide she swears she could see all the dust floating around and how her jaw suddenly gone slack. There in front of her is the dancing blonde from yesterday. She was so surprise to say the least that she dropped the breadstick that was hanging from her mouth. So not classy, but at least she didn't drool.

Why the hell is dancing blondie over here? Of course, why would she think it was Fabray anyways? That bitch just walks right in her house like she owns it.

She didn't realize it at first, until the initial shock in her system had settled down, but she could feel her heart beating super fast once more. Maybe Rachel was right... She should really slow down with her breadsticks before she dies from a heart failure. She could barely hear her own thoughts from the loud drumming of her impending heart attack. It really started to worry her and she thinks she's about to pass out again. But she told herself it was because she had lost her precious breadstick that she feels so lightheaded and weak. She'll have to ask the breadstick god for forgiveness later.

Unless, she thought, this isn't real and right now she's somewhere passed out in her bed having a really weird dream. For a few moment she really considered that possibility. After all, there is no way she would drop a breadstick in real life. It's like anything is more possible than that.

"Santana?" Rachel called out.

Fuck. Santana internally swore getting hit by reality through the voice of Berry. This shit is real. There's no way she'd be dreaming about the loud obnoxious friend of hers. Apparently anything is more possible than dropping her breadstick. Except dreaming about Rachel Berry.

New plan, she thought. Maybe if she walks back slowly she could still hide in the pantry until they both go away. It would be a perfect plan. She didn't have to worry about food since there's a few food stashed in there. She could probably survive there for a few days.

Her plan, however, immediately got wiped as soon as her eyes directly met with the soft blue eyes. She almost had to do a double take just to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. Blondie was too far back in the auditorium and given that she was also intoxicated when she first got a glimpse of her that she didn't instantly recognized her. But this time around she was just standing a few feet away from her that she could clearly see who the blonde is. It took a moment but when she allowed her eyes to travel down the cheeks, the nose, then finally the curve lips of the blonde that had the familiar smile that she had often dreamt about, her eyes immediately widen than it already were.

Damn. She kinda wish she could have just fainted.


	4. Chapter 4

Brittany's face erupted into a small smile when she saw Santana. It has been years since she last saw her. Eight years to be exact. _Eight_ long years.

Santana looks the same yet different. For one she's a lot taller, her dark hair which was slightly wavy had grown pass her chest; her once scrawny stature had matured into a slender body, soft and curvy, at the same time strong and determined and so full of confidence that made Brittany's knees weaken in awe. She's much more beautiful than Brittany last remembered too. Even with the small bump protruding on Santana's forehead. And even when Santana had dropped that breadstick that was hanging from her mouth. Even then, Brittany thought the girl was beautiful.

She bites her lips to stop herself from smiling too much when she sees the look in Santana's face. She would have thought it was adorable, especially when the brunette had scrunched her face in confusion, if it weren't for the way her heart was beating fast. Too fast that she couldn't clearly focus on anything. All she knows is that she wanted to close the gap between them and engulf Santana in a sweet warm hug, maybe burry her head in the crook of the girl's neck and whisper, "I've missed you so much San." Because maybe, just maybe, her heart wouldn't feel like it was close to jumping out of her chest.

But she didn't do any of that. Instead she stayed rooted in place admiring her childhood friend from the small distance between them as her chest beats unsteadily away.

In truth she was nervous about seeing Santana again. Who was to say that things would be the same? It's not like it's a game were she could easily pause it and pick it up from where she had left off.

No. This is real life and it's a lot more complicated than that.

Sure back then they were inseparable. They use to play around and spend all afternoons together. They were Brittany and Santana. There was not one without the other. It's was just them. Just always Brittany and Santana.

That is until she had to move to LA due to her dad's job. She remembers the sad and painful look Santana had the day she was leaving. She had ran all the way to Santana's house that morning, a few hours before her flight, just so she could see her one last time. They didn't say anything. They never have to. They somehow both knew what they wanted to say. They just both automatically reached for each other -clutching each other like their life depended on it. Within those arms they found their refuge as the world around them slowly dismantled. And for a few moments it felt like they had forever.

She didn't know how long the hug lasted. It felt like a minute but it couldn't have been because the morning light had already risen, telling her that at least an hour had gone by.

She wondered if coming there was a good idea because now it's going to be twice as painful to let go. But the warmth of the arms surrounding her, the hands that clutches her shirt almost gripping -begging- her to stay, and the way Santana buried her head into her neck that she could smell the girl's shampoo, made her think that the pain that would soon follow would be worth it. Because how long again till she's able to feel this?

So she savoured every moment of it. She tries to memorize how it feels, the warmth and security, the scent that surrounds her -enveloping her into a certain familiarity she never realized she's gotten so accustomed to. She hopes she could carry this memory with her to comfort her on days when she'd miss Santana the most.

She hasn't even left yet and she already misses Santana. She felt helpless from the sharp pain throb that had resided in her chest and the only thing she could do was clutch Santana just a little bit more tightly. She didn't want to let go. Letting go means she's leaving her best friend and she knows Santana knows that too. Especially in the way the brunette was clinging on to her like she's the only thing keeping her from breaking part. It felt like they were on a piece of thread, and as soon as she releases her hold and took a step back, she felt the thread being pushed and pushed further apart until it finally broke.

It was almost impossible for Brittany to see anything with her blurry teared eyes and the painful throb that had set inside her chest. But she saw it. The look Santana had. It was like Santana was physically gasping for her last breath of air. Brittany feels her stomach drop. She thinks she might throw up because there was something painful in the way she watches her best friend breaking down in front of her and she knows she can't do anything more than to stand a few feet away. She almost wish she hasn't seen the look in Santana's face, maybe then her heart wouldn't have felt so broken that day.

But now she's back in Lima, back in the place where she spent her younger years. The past seems almost too long ago but somehow she could still feel its lingering moments as if she didn't spend the last 8 years of her life in LA. So you couldn't blame her for wanting to see how her childhood friend had turned out. Back in LA she sometimes would wonder how Santana was doing or if Santana would have liked this or that. It was crazy but it had become a routine for her that she had almost perfected until years had gone by and missing Santana became just a small painful throb.

So as soon as they moved back, which coincidentally turned out to be the house next to her dearest friend, she headed straight to the house next door in hopes to see Santana. She couldn't fight off the excited butterflies that had somehow flew around in her belly when she walked up to the door and rang the all too familiar doorbell. She was however disappointment when she realized no one was home.

* * *

"Hey!"

Brittany heard a sleazy voice beside her. She didn't look towards the voice instead she continued grabbing her books for her next class, hoping whoever is leaning down besides her locker is talking to someone else.

"So Brittany, is it you or is it hot here?"

Okay, this guy is definitely talking to her. She had to hold the inner cringed that was dying to come out at how lame this guy sounded. She heard pick up lines way better than that. Plus it didn't help how she almost wanted to pinch her nose from the musky cologne the guy was wearing. She was about to let the guy down when she was surprised to see a familiar face.

"Puck?"

Puck seemed to be in a similar state as he looked at her up and down almost disbelievingly. "Well fuck me. If it isn't Brittany Pierce."

Brittany grinned seeing a face from the past. "How've you been?"

"The usual. Causing trouble." Puck shrugged after recovering from his shock.

Brittany shook her head. Puck was always in trouble. He would always bug her and Santana to no end, even if he always ends up crying over how Santana had punched him. "You always know where to find trouble."

"Well I have a rep to maintain," Puck said smugly giving Brittany a wink. Damn, he thought. For once the rumours were right. New girl Brittany is a real hottie. When he saw the new girl by her locker, he sauntered over with every intent to hit on her. He was liking what he saw: blonde hair, long legs and lean toned body. What more could he ask for? But surprise surprise blonde girl with legs turned out to be someone from his past. He didn't connect the dots when he found out the new girl's name who use to live here was _Brittany_. To say he was surprise would have been an understatement. He couldn't believe how much Brittany had grown. He looks at her up and down, his smirk growing. He definitely like what he sees.

"And does that rep of yours also include being a creep?" Brittany asked amused when she felt Puck's eyes running up and down her body.

"Just checking out the goods." He hold up his hands defensively.

"Well these goods are off limits," she smiled almost amused before closing her locker and walking away as another guy came up and approached her, in which she instantly turned down.

People were coming over to talk to her. Suppose it was because she was the new kid from the big city but she's sure it would all die down as soon as they realize how unexciting she really is. But for now she appreciated the friendly welcome. She swears she had met everyone in her senior year and even a few sophomores and juniors. She even met the school janitor, Mr. Kidney. He was something.

The whole day had went by slowly with her meeting new people and reacquainting with others. It really made her happy but she couldn't shake off that feeling that something was missing. Deep in her heart she knew the reason, but she didn't want to admit it yet. Perhaps because she was scared that the lack of Santana could mean that the girl had moved away and then she would never see her friend again. Her chest grew heavier from that thought.

She release a small breath trying to regain focus. Right now, she needs to concentrate for her Cheerio's audition on Monday, two days from today.

She had always wanted to be a Cheerio along with Santana. It was one of her and Santana's many childhood promises to each other. They would often sneak after school to watch the Cheerio practice out in the football field. Sometimes they would watch for a couple of minutes and sometimes they would watch the whole day. One time they had lost track of time and when their parents eventually found them, after hours of looking, it was already dark out. They both got into a lot of trouble that night and they were forbidden to ever go back there again. They still went back though. They were amazed and impressed by it all. For her, she wanted to be on top of the pyramid because she thought it would make her one step closer to the sky. She remembers telling that to Santana one day when they were out watching the Cheerio execute another perfect routine. Santana smiled at her with a look full of admiration like she had just said the best thing ever. Then ever so softly Santana whispered, "I'll be the one to carry you up."

And in that day she told herself she'll definitely become a Cheerio along with Santana.

That's why right now she needs to focus. She stretches for a bit before turning on the audio system deciding to settle for a more slow relaxing song to warm up to. She doesn't really need to audition. This morning on her way to her second class, she was suddenly pulled inside this room filled with trophies by this lady wearing a blue all around track suit.

Of course she knew who it was. From the countless of times she and Santana had sneaked off to watch the Cheerio practice she was bound to know her. She was the ruthless Sue Sylvester, a renowned Cheerio coach. She was shocked to see she was still there though, after all it had been _years_.

Sue practically demanded her to wear the Cheerio's uniform which was already fitted to her size. She was surprise at how Sue even got her measurements. But she didn't dare question it. She had heard way too many stories that she knew what the wrath of Sylvester would bring. She did however declined the offer and told Sue she'd rather try out for a spot than having it freely given to her. For a second, she thought she was about to face the gates of hell. But Sue simply muttered, face displeased, for her to be ready Monday afternoon in the football field.

So after school she decided to head to the auditorium, which she surprisingly found empty. But she guesses it was because it was Friday, people would be rushing to leave class, glad for the weekend, as soon as the last bell rings. They probably have better things to do than stay in after school.

Finding the switch for the lights she slowly stepped on stage allowing the music to take over her body. This was her element. She loves dancing. It comes natural to her as breathing and with every executed steps she feels herself get lost in moment.

* * *

_"You're really amazing Britt-Britt. I bet one day you'll be dancing in front of thousands of people," a small Santana clapped excitedly after watching her friend's dance number._

_"I'm just okay San," Brittany mumbled feeling shy. "I still need to practice a lot."_

_"Then you'll be even more amazing than you already are. You'll have tons of fans and people would flock just to see you," Santana grinned handing Brittany a bottle of water._

_Accepting the bottle and smiling with thanks, she met Santana's adoring gaze that was shining with admiration, "Will you also flock just to see me?"_

_"Duh. I'm your number one fan. I'll be at the front row cheering you on."_

* * *

Her memory was disrupted when the music had stopped and she was transported back to reality. She would sometimes get random memories of her childhood, more often than not it involves Santana. Memories like that always makes her feel lightheaded.

She was inhaling deeply trying to even out her breathing when she realizes she wasn't alone. Raising her eyes up to the other side of the auditorium, she saw a girl.

It took her a few seconds but she knew instantly. Despite the fact that it had been years since she last saw her, Brittany still knew the girl across the room was Santana. Somewhere in her heart she just knew. The dark hair, the tanned skin and those dark eyes. It was unmistakably Santana. And just like that she felt like she has lost her breath again.

She was about to say hi when the brunette had hurriedly turned around and mistakenly assumed the wall for a door. Everything went too fast and before she knew it, she was kneeling beside a passed out Santana.

She would have taken the girl to the nurse but it was after school hours and the nurse was long gone. Maybe the hospital, she thought, but she immediately tossed that idea aside, remembering that Santana's dad works there. She's not too sure if he'd like to see his pass out daughter smelling like whiskey. It also didn't pass her that Santana reeks of cigarettes. Although she did smell a whiff of vanilla and the same shampoo that Santana use to wear which made her smile softly when she carried the brunette. She clutched Santana just a little closer to her body, quickly convincing herself that she didn't want to drop the brunette and cause anymore damage than necessary. Santana was now close to her that she could smell the shampoo a little more strongly. She smiled just a little bit more.

She was grateful that the Lopez has yet to discover her and brunette's secret way to open the back door or else she wouldn't have gotten Santana in. They have both spent countless of time sneaking in and out of the house using that back door trick. Wiggle, turn the knob right, wiggle again and then lift it up a bit then turn the knob left then right then viola she's inside maneuvering her way around the familiar house.

She brushed Santana's hair tucking it gently on the girl's ear after laying her down. Santana's hair had grown in length which serves to remind her of how long it really had been since she last saw her.

Being this close to her friend reminded Brittany of the little Santana that she used to watch sleeping in the mornings before the girl wakes up. She loves those mornings when she could secretly and freely admire her friend when no one was looking. Thinking about it now it might have been a little creepy but when Santana would scrunch her face a little too cutely, or snore faintly she couldn't help but watch her just a little longer.

It seems more like an accident when she first stumble upon it but it soon became a habit that she had enjoyed and looked forward to.

It started that one morning when she woke up earlier than she normally does. She was about to wake Santana, who was sleeping beside her, when she heard a few incoherent mumbles coming out of her friend's mouth which stopped her from doing so. Santana was on the side with her face and body facing her. Her soft dark hair were sprawled everywhere which partly covered her face. Brittany gently brushed it away and the girl scrunch her face from the action. She automatically soothe the frown that had developed liking the way Santana suddenly looks relaxed.

She releases a smile that had been tugging on her lips when she sees a small drool coming out of her friend's mouth. Santana was just too cute. Especially with the way the girl was softly clutching the side of her pillow or how just two seconds ago, Santana had snuggled her face closer towards her with a small curve in her lips. It almost made her think that Santana was awake but the girl's soft even breathing tells her otherwise.

She absently brushed Santana's cheeks with her thumb admiring how soft it was. She'll ask Santana how she got it so smooth when she wakes her up but for now she'll look at her sleeping friend just a little longer. When Santana incoherently mumbled something again, she immediately halted her movement while she giggles softly careful not to wake the girl. She was enjoying this little morning secret she had just discovered. She guesses she'll have to start waking up earlier than normal just so she could have this opportunity again.

She didn't realize how long she had been watching her friend sleeping until the gradual morning light that trickled from the window had highlighted the entire room telling her it was time to get up.

She both hates and loves this part.

She loves it as it always makes her smile just a little bit wider because under the soft threshold of light, Santana looks absolutely beautiful. At the same time she hated it because she knows, her morning secret would soon come to an end. She would usually push it to the very last second, enjoying and soaking every moment until the last. And when she thinks she had pushed it as far as possible, she would softly kiss Santana's forehead and she swears Santana's lips would curl just a little bit more.

"Wake up San."

And the brunette would scrunch her face cutely in a way that seems to struggle between reality and her dreams. It was endearing and even back then, when Brittany was a kid, she loves that exact moment.

She kinda forgets how a second ago she hated this part. She would often wonder why she had waited a bit longer to wake her up because she's suddenly filled with so much excitement.

But if she has to be really honest, her absolute favourite part in the morning was that moment _after_ Santana would slowly wake up. In that span of a few seconds, she would hold her breath almost preparing herself in some ways. Santana would blink slowly, confuse at first, but then slowly and surely, her soft brown eyes would find hers, like it was some sort of magnet that seems to pull their gazes towards each other. And in that exact moment when the soft brown eyes meets hers she feels all the air she's been holding leaves her body. And she knows nothing could be better than that.

But she's wrong.

Because not a second after, when all the sleepy haze leaves Santana. Her brown eyes would instantly shine in way that makes Brittany feel like Santana sees something beautiful in her. She doesn't understand it because at that moment in the midst of waking up, no one looks more beautiful that Santana Lopez.

And even if she's tired and sleepy from waking up earlier than normal, she doesn't mind it because the slow rumbling feeling of happiness that erupts through her, cascading and pulsating throughout her body, kinda makes everything worth it. Plus, just knowing that she was the first person Santana laid her eyes on makes her mirror the soft lazy smile her friend was giving her.

Maybe that's why she had acted on impulse and leaned down and kissed the girl on her forehead just like how she used to.

Although the act was familiar it all felt different. She wasn't prepared for the quickening beats of her heart or the churning that had started well within her stomach.

For the first time she was thankful that the brown eyes had not fluttered open to stare back at her. She doesn't think she could handle it.

She gently touched her lips noting how her lips feels like it was burning. Not the bad kind. But the soft soothing kind that she feels on the cold winter days when she's wrap in her favourite sweater and she's sitting by the fireplace. For a few minutes, she sat on Santana's bed staring blankly into space.

She releases a deep sigh realizing how silly she's acting. It was just her nerves acting up on her. It was just the mere fact that Santana, her friend she had been wanting to see, was close to her. Anyone would have reacted the same way.

_Anyone_.

Plus Santana always had these weird effect on her. She is just not use to it anymore. So having Santana close to her, it was only natural for the feelings to come back and shocked her. She was just surprise that's all.

With that in mind she allowed herself to scanned the familiar room where she spent countless of nights sleeping over. She could still remember the softness and warmness of Santana's bed. And how super comfortable she felt being wrap around in Santana's presence. Being back in this room once more allowed old memories she thought she had forgotten to resurface.

* * *

_"I wish it could always be like this," Brittany sighed looking at the silhouette of her companion. It was already night time and they were both exhausted from playing all day._

_There was no reply and Brittany thought Santana had gone to sleep but after a few moments, Santana's soft soothing voice cut through the silence. "Someday when I become an adult, I'll make us a really big house where we could have a sleepover every night. It would even have a dancing room so you can dance all day."_

_"Can we bring Lord Tubbington with us?"_

_"Of course Britt. Maybe we'll get some dogs too so Lord Tubbington won't be too lonely," Santana smiled catching her eyes in the darkness._

_Brittany smiled back already imagining the future. Just her, Santana, Lord Tubbs and a couple of dogs. It would be perfect. And suddenly she couldn't wait for the future to come._

_"Promise?"_

_She could see Santana shuffle for a bit before she felt a small tender finger clutching her pinky._

_"I pinky promise it."_

* * *

However, looking at the room now, a deep pang of sadness rushed through her. The room was dark and empty. Nothing compared to what it was years ago. There were no pictures that use to loiter around the wall. In fact, looking around the room, there were nothing of any significant personal relevance. The once brightly coloured room was now painted dark. The room just felt so bare and Brittany would have thought that no one uses it if it weren't for the few clothes littered on the floor.

Grabbing her bag she took some of her cooling patches she thankfully always has with her being a dancer and all. It kinda made her a bit happy of her past injury that made her ensure that she would always carry those patches. At least now she could use it for Santana.

Brushing another flock of hair that had once again fallen on Santana's face, she carefully placed a cooling patch around the girl's forehead.

She stayed till it was dark watching over the slumbering brunette. She would occasionally brushed Santana's cheeks when the girl would mumble something. The action was so familiar that she painfully wishes that she had never left Lima. Maybe then the sensation around her fingers wouldn't feel like thousands of ants had crawled into her.

It wasn't till her mom had called her that she went home leaving no trace of her presence except a glass of water and some Advil.

Sleep didn't come early for her that night. She kept thinking of Santana and soon her chest would start pounding. Just nerves, it was just nerves she chanted like a mantra until it had finally lulled her to sleep.

As soon as she woke up, she immediately showered and had gotten ready to head to the house next door hoping to see the brunette that had been plaguing her mind. She was surprised however when another brunette had opened the door. She did recognize her though.

Rachel Berry.

Rachel had immediately greeted her and she was happy at the warm welcome. Rachel was always too happy and full of energy that Brittany is sure the girl inhales at least 30 cups of coffee every morning.

As Rachel called or more like shrieked for Santana, she felt all the familiar feelings she felt last night coming back to her. Once more, she convinces herself it's because she hasn't seen Santana in a while, at least in a state were her friend is _conscious_. And this time around she'll be seeing Santana and would actually be talking to her. So having a pulse that felt like she had just ran a mile was totally normal.

A warm smile took over her face when she heard Santana's footstep coming closer and closer and when she finally saw her, she kinda wished she didn't or at least had a mental count down in her head to prepare herself for it. It's funny because she feels like she's been having a mental countdown ever since she had left Lima. But somehow she doesn't think any amount of preparation could fully prepare her for it because seeing Santana right in front of her after so long was just something she thinks she can never fully recover from.

For so long she had wanted to see Santana and now the very said girl was just a few steps away from her and all she could do was stare as her breath gets stuck on her throat.

She can feel Santana's eye scanning her, almost reading her and when Santana's eyes met hers, she was reminded of all the time their eyes acted like magnets. She didn't realize how much she had miss those soft brown eyes looking back at her.

She could see Santana's eyes widen a bit and in that moment she instantly knew the brunette had recognized her. And with that she smiled fully, forgetting all these nerves and excitement she's been getting.

"What are you doing here _blondie_?"

Her smile dropped a bit.

Okay. That definitely wasn't the reaction she thought she would get. She was thinking more along the lines of a hug or a hi. A small smile at the very least but this, this was unexpected.

"I just wanted to see if you're okay," she bit her lower lip, unsure of the unfriendly welcome.

"Well I'm good as you can see so adios," Santana said waving Brittany off. On the corner of her eyes, Santana could see Rachel's eyes bulging in surprise. It almost made her laugh if it weren't for the way she feels like she's seconds to having a heart attack. In all honesty, she didn't know why Berry looks so shocked. She had always been rude. Just because she used to play frolly with blondie here when they were younger doesn't mean anything. Besides that little girl was long gone. She was completely a different person. The sooner blondie knows that the better. So excuse her if her defences are full on functional, with laser beams and all, because she's not gonna let another person in her past destroy her.

Brittany frowned when she saw an annoyed looking Santana. Had she done something wrong to piss the girl off? For a second, Brittany started panicking thinking Santana had caught her kissing her forehead yesterday. But no, she was sure Santana was out cold, especially from the soft even breathing that she had long unawarely memorized which indicated that the girl was still deep in sleep. "Is your forehead any better?"

"Well what do you think blondie?" Santana rolled her eyes pointing to her forehead looking like she's had about enough.

"It's Brittany," Brittany muttered annoyed. She didn't know why she even said that because she knew Santana knows her. She knew Santana recognizes her.

"Awee..Does it annoy you that I call you that _blondie_?" Santana smirked. Her smirk growing wider when she sees Rachel's arm not so subtly waving around, signalling her to stop. It was amusing. But she almost dropped her smirked all together when she sees the annoyed look Brittany was sporting. It was the first time that she had been in the receiving end of it. It made her a bit uneasy but she was a cold-hearted bitch so she kept her charade on, urging for the blonde to be pissed off at her enough to leave her the hells alone.

Brittany was definitely annoyed. She wanted to wipe that smirk off Santana's face. She never thought that she could feel this annoyed at her friend. From all their years of friendship not once had she felt anything but deep admiration to Santana. Despite the irritation, Brittany just shrugged her shoulders hoping an indifferent attitude would make the girl think it doesn't bother her.

Apparently not getting the answer she wanted, Santana swiftly turned around walking back to the direction she came from.

So with every ounce of irritation Brittany had for the girl, she used it to throw the box of cooling patches, she almost forgot she had with her, directly at the retreating brunette. It hit Santana's head pretty loudly. What can she say? She has power and aim.

"Ow what the fuck?" Santana glared back at the culprit while rubbing the back of her head. "That fucking hurts."

Rachel looked flabbergasted. And for once she was lost for words and that was saying a lot. For gosh sake she was Rachel Berry, she always had something to say. But she was so surprise right from the very start when Santana opened her mouth and decided to be rude to her supposedly childhood friend. What surprised her even more was when Brittany had chucked that box right at Santana with every power she had. She had never seen a box fly that fast.

"What the fuck was that for?" Santana wailed clutching the back of her head.

Brittany just shrugged looking way too innocent for someone who just catapulted a box at an incredible speed.

"Fucking hell," Santana muttered scowling, as she feels around the back of her head. "Great now I have three huge bumps in my head. No thanks to you."

"Well if you weren't so rude I wouldn't have thrown it at you."

"That thing could have killed me," Santana bellowed pointing evilly at the box that was laying on the floor. A sense of dread came over Santana. Oh god this must be her punishment for dropping that breadstick. She should have just asked for forgiveness, lit up some candles and gave some offerings as soon as she had dropped it.

"Stop being a baby. I didn't even throw it that hard." Brittany rolled her eyes at how Santana was exaggerating things. Although she did feel a little bad about it. She really has a powerful throw.

"I'm not a baby."

"Right," Brittany snorted amused at the way Santana was dividing her glare between her and the box, which she noticed was pretty much dented. Okay maybe she may have thrown it really hard, with full power, but Santana was annoying her.

"Whatever blondie. I don't need this kind of abuse," Santana huffed doing a double take to make sure Brittany was empty handed and had no small object close within her reaching range that she could grab and throw towards her.

Before things could get worse. Rachel voice distracted Brittany from her heated glare with Santana. She almost forgot the other short brunette was there. "So Brittany, how are things with you? Has the first day of school treated you well?"

"Things have been good. Everything ran smoothly when we moved in. And school was nice. Almost _everyone_ has been nice to me," Brittany answered ignoring the scowl Santana was giving her.

"That's good to hear. If you like I could show you around school," Rachel offered. "I personally would like to welcome you back here in Lima."

"That would be great. Puck showed me around yesterday but I'm sure I could still use another tour."

Santana ears perked up when she heard the familiar name. Of course Puckerman would be the first person to show blondie around. Whatever not her problem. She doesn't even know why she's still standing there when she best be on her way to do something more productive. Which is nothing but whatever. It still beats standing around listening to the two babble on about some shit she doesn't care about. So she turned around hoping this time she wouldn't be hit by another flying object. God knows how many bumps her head could take.

On the corner of her eyes Brittany could see Santana's retreating back. She didn't know why but the sight of it causes a heavy uneasiness to grow inside of her. Before she had a chance to explore those feelings, Rachel had gently squeeze her arm distracting her from her thoughts. Rachel must have notice Santana's exit too as she gave Brittany a sad smile once the brunette was completely gone.

"Sorry about her," Rachel apologized. "She's just…She's just tired that's all. She had a crazy day yesterday. Just give her time."

"You don't have to apologize on her behalf." She shook her head. "But thanks. I guess I better go." She rubbed her neck feeling suddenly exhausted.

Today was unexpected. She finally met and talked with her childhood friend that she has been looking forward to seeing only to realize her "friend" held no similar excitement.

"Make sure you patch her forehead up." She stop halfway down the porch only to turn around and look back. "And don't forget the one I just gave her."


	5. Chapter 5

Her early morning habit become something she was really thankful for back in LA since she used to have 7am dance class. It was early but she didn't really mind. It beats getting stuck in a traffic rush.

This morning was no different. By 6 she was already up and ready. But in a small town like Ohio, mornings like these are really quiet. There were no trickling of bedridden people who wishes that they could be anywhere than heading to their boring old job nor people who just decided to return home after a long night out. She can't even hear any cars driving pass her street or cars endlessly honking their horns.

No.

This was Lima Ohio. People stay at home on the weekends to relax and spend quality time with their family, and occasionally visit their neighbours for a much needed update on the latest news and gossips.

It was definitely different from LA but one thing good about it was that she never realized how much she appreciated the quietness and peacefulness of Lima. A thought that never really occurred to her until she was outside her house for her morning run.

She took a quick glance towards the house next door and flashes of Santana's unfriendly frown and heated glare played in her head. Brittany feels a small bubble of irritation rise through her. What is Santana's problem with her anyways? She didn't have to be so rude. Ugh. The more she thinks about it, the more she thinks that Santana's actions were uncalled for. But she guesses she didn't act that nicely too, with her throwing that box directly at the brunette and all. In her defence Santana was making her emotions go all over the place.

It's was confusing.

And overwhelming.

That before she knew it she chucked that box straight at Santana.

She shook her head ridding herself of these thoughts and foreign feelings that had started to grow within her. A good run would do her good.

Brittany continued her run, almost for half an hour now, enjoying how her muscles flex and burn with every step she took. Thoughts of Santana were now gone replaced with peaceful thoughts as she looks around her surrounding. Lima was a really nice place. Quiet but nice. It was the picture of the typical suburban home, white picket fence and all. She smiled as she kept running, her eyes soaking every place and every houses. She never had much chance to explore what Lima had to offer back when she was younger so just looking around now filled her energizing and exciting feelings. Taking a quick turn around a corner, she was surprise when she suddenly bumped into someone causing her to lose her footing and fall backwards on her butt.

"Ow what the fuck? Why do I keep bumping into things?"

Brittany looks up all too quickly when she hears the all too familiar raspy voice. The pain from the fall forgotten once she sees Santana in a similar state as she is. They must have collided pretty hard for both of them to fall back she thought. Not taking a second longer, she stood up brushing herself before extending her hands out towards the girl who has yet to notice her as Santana was busy cursing to herself.

"I'm sorry San. Are you okay?" She asked softly. Her eyes taking in Santana.

Santana's head snapped towards the voice. "You got to be kidding me," the brunette muttered quite loudly when she sees Brittany. "Do you seriously have this agenda to hurt me every time you see me?" She exasperated. Ugh. Santana is annoyed at how her morning is turning out. She doesn't need this. Its way too early for this. All she wanted to do was get her early morning run with no interruptions - _especially_ in a form of blondie. Why was that so hard? Hasn't she suffered enough already?

After all, she had spent all day yesterday being lectured by fucking Rachel Berry about the proper ways to interact with old friends- "childhood friends"- after Brittany had left their house. She had to roll her eyes at that whilst trying her best to tune out the girl. But Berry's voice have this shrill in them that penetrates her ear drums. It's like her voice is in a different wavelength or some shit that no matter how much she tries to zone out- she even tried hypnotizing herself- she can still hear the girl's voice. Like fuck.

She's pretty sure one of her eyes were already twitching from anger. What's worse was that Rachel hijacked her laptop trying to set a PowerPoint slide in the ways of "Social Ethicacy: The Basic Human Interaction". Imagine how _fun_ that was. As if she would take tips from Berry. Ha. That would be the day. She had to hold her inner Snixx from unleashing when she finally accessed her laptop and deleted all those 30 PowerPoint slides complete with pictures and animations that Rachel had manage to make in the span of 5 minutes.

Damn Berry for always being so fucking annoying. But what's even more annoying, if that was even possible, was seeing blondie right now. Ugh. She doesn't know why but seeing blondie just irritates her to the core. It's just seeing her all innocent like with her soft smile, tilted head and upbeat mood so early in the morning was giving her a headache. This whole thing is just not her forte.

So Brittany is definitely not what she needs, especially the way the blonde was looking at her right now, it was making her feel all kinds of things. Like her blood was suddenly pumping at maximum speed. Or how her head seems to be everywhere but she's pretty sure she's drawing blank. Or like she suddenly feels so light at the same time her heart feels so heavy. But with all of those weird feelings she feels mostly agitated. And she can't seem to pinpoint as to why her chest seems to ache every time the girl would look at her. That itself was making her more irritated.

Santana feels like she wasn't in control of anything. Perhaps it's because blondie came back to her life in a surprise and along came all these tucked away memories and feelings she had long suppressed. Sure, she had kept some memories of the blonde at bay, just cause it might have help her sleep better at night, but she wasn't ready to have everything back out in the open this fast and this soon. Blondie is rehashing and opening the box that Santana was sure she had locked, thrown away and never to be seen again. And it's irritating to suddenly feel so exposed after all the years she had spent building these walls around her. Maybe that's what infuriates her about the blonde because Brittany could always do that to her so effortlessly. It's like the blonde seems to have this secret code that's making her just want to drop all these hard facade around her and just surrender to whatever the blonde has to offer.

"Well that depends if you're being mean or not," Brittany smiled goofily, her hands still extended out before she frowned in concern seeing Santana still on the ground looking deep in thought. "But really, your not hurt are you?"

Brittany's soft voice snapped Santana out of her stupor. Her chest ached just a little bit more when she sees the blonde frowning with worry. It was annoying.

"Seriously blondie? You're asking me that after I got hit by a wall, been a victim of a box assault which was thrown by you and now this, which if I may add was also because of _you_. So yeah I'm fucking dandy," she exclaimed while standing up by herself causing Brittany to slowly lower her hands. Santana didn't fail to notice the small gesture. Her tummy seem to have fluttered just a little bit by it but she immediately squashed that feeling as soon as it started. She can't let Brittany know how much effect she has on her. She can't let Brittany know how she feels like she's seconds away from ripping her heart out of her chest just so it would stop aching. It would give Brittany more advantage to slowly dismantle her. She can't have that. She can't-

"I'm glad you seem fine." Brittany playfully rolled her eyes. Sure Santana was stubborn and mean. And in no doubt it irritates her. But with just one look -with Santana's messy ponytail, the visible sweat around her forehead, the slight redness of her face from running, the way Santana was frowning with her arms crossed- and all too suddenly her irritation with the girl from earlier slowly disappeared -replaced by something she wasn't sure yet.

"And for the record...the first one totally wasn't my fault." Brittany held up her hand sheepishly. "The second one, I do admit is mine. And I'm sorry for chucking that box at you. But how else am I suppose to get you to stay?"

"News flash, throwing that damn box won't help," the brunette snapped harshly, her eyebrows flushed together.

Brittany can't help but smile. "It work for a bit didn't it?"

"Yeah yeah." Santana rolled her eyes while fixing her ponytail. "Whatever blondie," she muttered. Ugh. Why is blondie smiling at her so softly like...like she sees more than she's letting on? It's fucking getting on her nerves and Santana wanted to just take off as fast as she can and never look back. But that smile, that smile that if she has to admit she really had missed because let's face it, when Brittany smiles it's as if everything in the world seems to be just a little brighter. Even years from now the blonde still had that same soft smile and it's making Santana's tough exterior softly crumble and crack.

"It's fancy running into you here though." Brittany scrunched her face cutely with a smile still intact.

"That's just terrible," Santana replied, catching on to the blonde's pun, which made Brittany smile just a little bit more. Santana feels herself slipping further and further away from her inner musings that keeps telling her to keep her distant and push the blonde away. "You need to work on that."

"I'll come up with something better next time."

Santana hummed nonchalantly in reply as her eyes meets those soft blue. She didn't know if it was by accident or if it was out of habit that she seems to still have. She would have thought that after all those years she would have out grown it. But yet here she is, after eight years, her eyes still seems to always catch Brittany's. And just like all the time she had looked directly at those eyes, she was taken aback by how truly blue they were. It was like staring at the ocean.

It was beautiful.

She kinda just want to jump right into those blues, something she thinks she would never get out of. She felt a helpless tug within her chest and she hopelessly replays the times that were just like these where she would get lost staring at those eyes she used to be so fond off. It makes her shiver with excitement despite her best judgement to look away and just shut everything out. But the swirls of blue with gold speckles clouding it was really making it hard. She knows her defences were slightly down. But it's alright she thought, maybe for just a few seconds she's going to allow herself to be lured in to what little she's letting herself feel. She'll just enjoy this rare moment that she scarcely ever experience. So with that she greedily took it all in, trying to map out the differences and similarities that blonde had from the last time she had seen her.

For Brittany, she felt that slight change. It was the way Santana's eye were gently gazing at her -into her- that it almost scared her. It made her want to take off and run to the other direction. But she remained rooted in place because deep within those layers of dark chestnut brown was something that was pinning her and holding her back.

It was the same brown hue that she always felt captivated in. The same ones she patiently waits to open up in the mornings. So it's not like she wasn't use to the way Santana would look at her almost like she's made out of rainbows and sunshine. The girl's eyes were always so honest that with almost one look she could easily read what was going on in Santana's mind. It became like her favourite book that she would spent countless of hours trying to memorize every contour and every shape, every shade of colour with every emotion, to finally knowing it inside and out. But looking at those brown eyes now, so soft and yet so guarded, it made her tremble because even if those same eyes were staring back at her, she didn't know what the girl was thinking or what to even think anymore. And it terrifies her. It was scary to be such a stranger to something she had spent more than half of her life familiarizing. It felt like she was forgetting one of the best book she's ever read and it really started to make her feel uneasy and confuse all in the wrong way.

"I didn't think you'd be up so early in the morning," Brittany commented just to relieve the tension that she could feel slowly building up inside her. "I've always had to wake you up."

Santana eyes darkened and she knew her defences were back up -more impenetrable than ever. The memory of blonde's soft blue sapphire and sweet gentle face that she had just memorized a second ago was quickly tucked inside her head, so far deep that she thinks her mind was just playing tricks on her and she had imagined it all.

"And I didn't peg you to be a nosy ass person. I'm obviously doing fine waking up without you." Santana knew what her words meant and what those words entailed but she couldn't bring herself to care. She _wouldn't_ bring herself to care.

Brittany felt Santana's words cut her like a knife. Perhaps it's because it was the truth. Truth hurts and no matter how she sees it Santana was right. It had really been so long that things were different now. Santana no longer needed her to wake her up in the mornings. The same way she had gotten so use to dancing without looking up the front row expecting to see a set of brown eyes looking brightly back at her. Their life that was once intertwined had fully unraveled and soon they were able to learn to live their life without each other. A thought that she already knew but never really fully realized. It didn't hit her until now. There was no longer Santana and Brittany. Their whole dynamic duo was long gone. It was just _a_ Santana and _a_ Brittany. It was a cold hard truth that she knew and quite honestly expected. But hearing it directly from Santana, hurts way more than she thought was possible.

"I'm not _that_ nosy," Brittany managed to say despite how her throat seems to be constricting. She swallowed the pain hoping it'll make her breathing a little easier. But the way Santana was looking at her, eyes dark and guarded, completely different to a while ago, makes it a little harder to do so.

"What?" She ask softly feeling suddenly nervous as Santana gazed remained directly on her.

"Nothing blondie." Santana blinked a couple of times almost confuse. "I wasn't sure if-" She shook her head. It reminded Brittany of a small puppy. "I was sure that you'd throw something at me again."

Brittany couldn't control the laugh that poured out of her. It's unfair she tells herself. It's unfair how Santana can easily sway her feelings like that because even with all these weird, painful and confusing feelings, Brittany still feels a sense of happiness and fondness from just seeing Santana. Because despite everything, Santana had been a huge part of her life. So even with the harsh words that were being thrown at her, it would all just be pushed to the side because Santana would do something just a little too cutely or say something a little too adorably and she'll just forget how a second ago she was upset at the girl. Her heart would start racing like it can't seem to get enough. It makes her want to talk to the brunette. It makes her want to get to know her once more.

"Stop laughing." Santana stomped while Brittany continued to laugh. "Its not even funny. Ugh. Where the fuck did you even learn to throw that hard blondie? Actually I don't really want to know."

"I'm sorry San," Brittany wheeze as her laughter dies down. "I won't throw anything at you anymore." She smiles, finally settling down while she lifts her pinky up, raising her eyebrows silently challenging Santana. "I promise."

In truth, Brittany still feels uneasy, her insides were twisting in knots that she's afraid she might never get it untangled, especially when Santana's dark eyes were boring into her, she's sure the knots just grew even tighter. But despite all of that she kept her gaze steady as her pinky stood firm.

"I don't do petty child like promises anymore," Santana scoffs while rolling her eyes. She quickly dismisses the flash of hurt that appeared in Brittany's eyes.

Even if it stings, even if the uneasiness is still clawing at her and even if her pinky felt cold from the blatant rejection, Brittany was still able to shrugged it off. "Guess I could always use some practice," she said hoping to set an easy going atmosphere around them. "Your head seems like a great target."

"Oh fuck off," Santana said glaring at her. "I should have guessed it was you who placed that water and Advil by my bedside table," the girl mumbled as she looked down brushing her shorts from the dirt that she had gotten.

Brittany felt a momentary relief when brown eyes shifted away from her. Her uneasiness slowly melting away and she could feel herself breathing a little easier. Santana's strong gaze that was drilling into her was proving to me more and more difficult for her to look at, especially with all the heighten senses she seems to be developing. It was too much yet too little that when Santana was looking at her a while ago she wishes those brown eyes weren't looking back at her but at the same time as soon as Santana's gaze strayed away from her, she instantly misses it. She just wanted to cup Santana by her cheeks and make the girl face her, just so Santana's gaze would be on her and only her. It was _ridiculous_.

"Uh huh. I'd figure you'd get a raging migraine after." Brittany nodded absentmindedly.

"How'd you even manage to get me in?"

"Well… Your parents still haven't figured out the back door. I could still open it the way I use to," the blonde stated distractedly as she continues to watch Santana. She smiles when she sees Santana still intently brushing her shorts. It was endearing in it's own way.

"Or you could just stop snooping around in my house," Santana suggested before looking up with her eyebrow raised.

There it was again, Brittany thought. That feeling of uneasiness coming back to her once more as soon as Santana's eyes met hers but at the same time she feels a wave of happiness course through her body. She lost track of the seconds she had counted, wishing Santana's gaze would fleet back at her because as soon as it did, all she could do was smile dopily while she mentally fist pumps.

"But thanks I guess." Santana whispered softly that Brittany almost didn't hear it. She feels a double shot of happiness and she ignores how her own breathing was getting heavier as she tries to swallow, taking small even calming breaths, "You're welcome."

"But don't think for a second that I owe you anything," Santana narrowed her eyes before briefly looking away but not a second after her eyes meets Brittany's once more. "Kapish?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Brittany said breathlessly. "You hit your head pretty bad. I couldn't just leave you."

"I wouldn't have held it against you if you did." Santana admitted willing herself to look away as she crosses her arms defensively.

"I would never do that." Brittany frowned.

Santana snorted, and she allowed a humourless laugh to flow out of her. "I guess _you're_ the one who's been doing all the forgetting. Last time I check I'm the one who stayed in Lima blondie."

"Look San, I've never wan-"

"Ugh. It doesn't even matter anymore. I'm over it. Been so for _years_ now. Let's just both agree yesterday didn't even happen."

Brittany wanted to disagree. She wanted to tell Santana that a part of her is not over it. She wanted to tell her how much she didn't want to leave Santana. She wanted to tell her she didn't forget her. Because god knows how many times she had wished she had forgotten all of it hoping it would take away some of the loneliness that kept aching in her heart. She wanted to tell Santana how miserable the first few years were and how she had to keep replaying the days they've spent together like a broken record, in fear that one day she'll soon forget about the way Santana looks and the way Santana feels and the way it made her feel. But it only made her more miserable. So one day she finally decided to just stop because as much as it became a comforting relief for her, like she could finally take a huge gasp of air, this small world she had created became so asphyxiating that she just ends up missing Santana even more. She wanted to tell her all of that but she feels the words get stuck in her throat and the pit inside her stomach only seems to grow.

"Uhh but-"

"Great. Well this has been a blast but Imma head out afores you change your mind and actually find something to hit me with."

Brittany didn't get a chance to say goodbye as Santana had already took off. Not that it would have mattered anyway, because she swears she probably wouldn't have been able to. She remained rooted in her spot, a small frown in her face, as she helplessly watch the brunette until she couldn't see her anymore. Her heart was beating unsteadily that if it weren't for her the same motionless surroundings around her she would have thought she had been running the whole time. Once the brunette was gone, she shook her head and started running in the opposite direction.

* * *

"Hey Quinn." Brittany smiled happily as she approached the blonde girl who was sitting at one of the tables by the window at the Lima Bean cafe. She and Quinn were quite good friends. Not as close as she and Santana were but they were pretty out there.

"Britt!" Quinn excitedly greeted Brittany, giving her a quick hug before she gestured to the seat on the opposite side of her. "Its been so long. How many years has it been? Seven? Eight?"

"Eight," Brittany replied nodding her head with a smirk. "It feels like it was just yesterday. I can still remember when I would see you and your _awesome_ pigtails."

"Don't remind me. I was going through some fashion phase," Quinn chuckled shaking her head. "What was I even thinking? Those pigtails were hideous." She almost had to shiver at how different she looked. "Plus I totally had all these baby fats going on."

"You totally pulled it off." Brittany giggled remembering how her blonde friend used to look. "Puck even had a thing for it. I specifically remember him liking your glasses too."

"Ugh." Quinn scrunched up her nose before taking a bite on her carrot muffin. "I'm sure you've met him." She rolled her eyes thinking of the obnoxious Mohawk friend of hers.

"Yeah," Brittany hummed, casually taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "Just after my first period on Friday. He gave me a tour around school by lunch."

"I'd figure. Me and Rachel even had a bet about it. Just tell me if he goes out of line. I'm not afraid to give him a few hard slaps."

"No don't worry. I told him I was off limits."

"Oh?" That caught Quinn's attention. She raised her eyebrows intrigued. "Who's the lucky one?"

"No one." Brittany grinned. "I thought it would be the best way to get rid of him."

"Wait...You didn't leave anyone back in LA?" Quinn asked, her eyes narrowed. She finds it hard to believe that her friend who had managed to leave such a huge impression in McKinley, ignoring the fact that her school gets excited at just about anything, was completely single. Brittany was the talk of the town for god's sake, they were talking about how this family from LA had moved back in Lima. Lima of _all places_. And what's even better was that this family had a daughter, both talented and beautiful. Even Sue Sylvester had set her eyes on the new girl and wasted no time recruiting her. Brittany was in fact the latest gossip that people were buzzing about and looking at her friend now, she has no doubt in her mind that all the talks about the blonde were all true. She would have thought the girl would have tons of guys and even girls lining up to be with her. So it really came as a surprise when her friend told her she was single. "I would have thought you had someone."

Brittany smiled unconsciously thinking of her ex boyfriend, Jeremy. They had broken off a few weeks before she had to leave. It was a mutual decision since they both realized they were much better off as friends. Plus they weren't really up to the whole long distance relationship thing. "Nope," she said popping the p. "We broke up."

"I'm sorry Britt."

"No it's all good. We're still good friends," Brittany smiled assuring her blonde friend. "We text each other a couple of times."

Quinn looked at her for a few second before returning her smile. "Well my offer still stands. If you need me to slap him, just let me know."

Brittany nodded finishing off her chocolate chip cookie. "I'll keep that in mind. You definitely sound like you have some pretty good slaps there."

Quinn had said something in response but Brittany barely hears it as her eyes strays off to the side.

It catches her eyes so quickly that it almost surprised her.

It was Santana.

The brunette was standing casually by the wall, her running attire were gone replaced with a pair of dark skinny jeans laced with black boots and black leather jacket over top of a red v-neck shirt. Her long dark hair was free from the confinements of the ponytail she had on this morning and her hair, straighten, was now softly flowing down her chest.

Brittany's stomach did a little flip. And she feels all too warm as she looks appreciatively at her childhood friend. Santana is, in simple terms, was breath taking. It was undeniable and almost unbelievable to have someone look so causally beautiful. It makes her shiver. She could feel her knees weaken and she's thankful that she's already sitting down. Her body seems to be buzzing with excitement but at the same time she feels herself tensing, almost rigid. It's like a shot of adrenaline was flowing through her and she patiently waits for it to settle down.

It doesn't.

And it frustrates her because she really needs to get a grip. She can't always act so tense around the Santana. She thinks its because her body still hasn't caught on having Santana near her after such a long time of being without her. It would take some adjusting.

And it's not only her body she worries about. She feels her emotional well being was also at stake. Her feelings seems like a pulsating wave, constantly pushing and pulling, until she doesn't know what to feel anymore. It was overwhelming her. She's not exactly sure where their friendship lies or if they were still _even_ friends especially after this morning with Santana's abrupt dismissal and uncaring attitude. The whole dynamic of where the line was and where she should stand was adding to all these weird effects she's been having that she couldn't focus on one thing. It was definitely messing her up.

But it doesn't take away the fact that she likes looking at Santana. She miss looking at Santana. She's sure her face was slightly red but she hopes it was hot enough she could blame it on the heat.

Quinn must have notice her attention had been elsewhere as the blonde turns around and looks back to where her eyes were softly trained.

"Oh hey it's San." The blonde said excitedly. "Wait.. Let me call her. You don't mind do you?" Quinn bit her lips unsurely. She had heard from Rachel what had happened yesterday between the two. She wasn't very happy to say the least. She would have given Santana an earful but she knows Rachel's lecture would have been enough -torturous even- for the brunette. For once she hopes that Santana would actually listen to Rachel instead of tuning her out every time. But that girl is too damn stubborn.

Brittany shook her head. "No. I don't mind." She thinks she might have croaked a bit. If she did Quinn didn't say anything.

Quinn gives her a small smile before heading out towards Santana who was still standing by the wall but was now armed with a cigarette. Brittany's eyes fixed at the two with Quinn's taut back and blonde hair towards her. She could see Quinn gesturing animatedly. The brunette definitely didn't seem please. It didn't seem to bother Quinn as the girl continued to waved her arms before aimlessly pointing towards her. Brittany guesses Quinn was now convincing Santana, who now had a frown embedded in her face, to join them. She can't see Quinn's facial reaction but it didn't matter much because her eyes were set on the brunette who had just rolled her eyes. She watches how Santana's lips moves- slow and deliberate- and it made her wish she could be outside right now hearing it. She briefly wonders what they were talking about.

At that moment, Santana's eyes flitted towards her. And like always, Brittany feels the slight tremor run through her. Instead of looking away, she finds herself quickly searching those brown eyes. She didn't even know what she was looking for. Maybe to see if Santana feels as lost and confuse as her too, or maybe Brittany just wanted find some answers. Answers as to why she was feeling such a jumbled mess ever since she saw the girl.

It felt like an hour but it could have just been seconds before Santana's gaze drifted back to Quinn, her face set into a frown- filled with _distaste_.

Brittany feels her stomach dropped at the sight. She forced her attention to the cup of hot chocolate that she had been absentmindedly playing with as she tries to rid herself of a certain brown eyes, trying to forget the look of distaste it held. But the dark swirl of her sweet drink definitely didn't help her. It only made her even more aware of Santana. She sigh in defeat. Maybe Santana was suppose to be stuck in her head. Maybe Santana was suppose to make her feel this way. Maybe-

"Hey Britt." Quinn came bounding it with a big smile. "Look who I convinced to join us."

Her eyes traveled from Quinn to Santana and not a moment later their eyes meets and Brittany understood. Maybe Santana is exactly where her body, mind and heart wants her to be. And she has to stop fighting for it. Even if Santana looks like she'd rather be anywhere than be with them right now, she knows she's right where she wants to be. Right close to Santana.

"More like blackmailed me," Santana huffed frowning at Quinn. "There's a difference."

"It's not a blackmail if you're getting something out of it."

Brittany raise her brows. Curious as to what Quinn had used against Santana. Maybe she needed this thing as a leverage to get Santana to talk to her. Maybe it would even make Santana be her friend again.

"Damn you and Berry for always playing this card against me. At least Puck has some _decency_."

"Puck's broke." Quinn rolled her eyes. "And as if you'd want anything bought by him. You don't even wanna know where his money came from. Besides," Quinn added. "It's not our fault your weak against your breadsticks."

"Bitch please those breadsticks are fucking good." Santana exclaimed. "But you speak some truth Fabray." The brunette nodded thoughtfully before a hint of mischief appeared, "Dem stick is the only stick I'm letting inside my body."

"Remind me again why I invited you here? And why you're even getting a breadstick out it?" Quinn scrunched her face in confusion. Ugh. Sometimes she wonders why she was even friends with Santana. But she guesses Santana has her moments too. Today just isn't it.

"Cause you love be bitch." Santana flashed Quinn an arrogant smile. "And I'm the only one who puts up with your bacon fetishes."

"Ugh. Fine." Quinn groaned in defeat. As sad as it is. It's true. She remembers that one time she was hungry for some bacon in the middle of the night so she went to their kitchen to satisfy her craving. And low and behold they didn't have any at home. She cried to say the least. She was on her period okay? It's just the hormones that was making her all kinds of hysterical. She remembers frantically calling Santana and sobbing about the lost of a great treasure. Santana was pissed off at her for ruining her beauty sleep but half an hour later Santana came by her house looking disheveled and annoyed but she had two packs of bacon with her. She instantly stopped crying.

Santana grinned smugly before her eyes traveled to Brittany. She looks at the blonde almost bored before her signature smirked came about."Sup blondie?"

"Hey," Brittany smiled confidently despite how she feels like her stomach held thousands of butterflies. She briefly wonders if Santana can ever look at her without having that smirk or that glare.

"Stalking me _again_?" The brunette asked Brittany amusedly.

Quinn shook her head at Santana, chastening her from saying anything rude. "San be nice."

"Fuck off Fabray. This is me nice."

Quinn rolled her eyes as she sat across from Brittany, resuming the same spot she had awhile ago. Brittany's body suddenly tensed, finally realizing the situation. With Quinn on the opposite side of her, it gave Santana an option to sit beside her or the other blonde. She holds her breathe, her heart racing, when Santana lingered for a bit. From this short distance, she could smell the sweet smell of vanilla coming from the girl. It surprised her because she swears Santana was just smoking just a minute ago so why does the brunette smelled so heavenly like she had just showered and bathe in a sea full of flowers? Was that even possible? She kinda hopes Santana doesn't sit beside her. She doesn't think she can handle being assaulted with so much Santana. Because just the smell of Santana from that distance was already making her crazy. What more if she sits right next to her? She thinks she'll go _insane_.

"Well I'm gonna order." Santana pointed towards the counter causing Brittany to release a small breath of relief. "God knows I need something to stomach this."

"Oh San, can you get me another muffin?" Quinn half shouted to the brunette who was on the way to the counter.

"First of all wanky. And second of all you might want to rethink that Q. You might just topple the whole pyramid with that weight of yours."

Quinn rolled her eyes once more at the retreating Santana who was looking please with herself. "Sorry about her Britt," the blonde sigh apologetically once the brunette was gone.

Brittany smiled hearing the same apology from yesterday. "That's the same thing Rachel said."

"Well Santana is being an ass again, like usual. So I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay. Like I told Rachel it's not your fault. So don't apologize."

"I still feel like I need to."

"No it's really okay. At least you were able to get her to hang with us."

"Ugh I had to bribe her with breadstick just to get her to come here. You'd think I had held a gun against her."

Brittany chuckles, her eyes glancing towards Santana, who was just paying at the counter. "Well...She's-" She started as she continued to watch Santana who has now on the side typing on her phone. "She's Santana." She nodded finding a lack of better way to describe the girl.

Quinn hummed in approval. "I never really get her. I mean sometimes I think I do but next thing I know she does something completely un-Santana like." She pauses before flashing Brittany a small smile. "You're the one who could always figure her out."

Brittany wishes with all her heart Quinn's words held some truth. It scared her to think that if Quinn had said that to her eighth years ago she would have smiled and agreed wholeheartedly, but hearing those words now, it seems nothing more of a hopeful dream that she could only wish would come true.

She was glad at the sudden intrusion of Santana, which had stopped her from voicing out her fears. And she was even more grateful when Santana had chose to sit beside Quinn. It would probably make her breathing a little easier. That is until she realized the brunette would be directly in front of her. And she silently rethink all her life choices. She gripped her drink slightly thankful for the small warmth that it could offer her seemingly cold hands.

"Here you go Fabray." Santana rolled her eyes. "Eat up."

"Thanks San." Quinn said excitedly ripping the bag open.

It made Brittany's heart flutter just a bit more and her chest warming up -definitely not from the hot chocolate- when she sees Santana handing Quinn the muffin she had ask for. It was then something inside Brittany clicks. Sure Santana was different: her actions, her mannerisms, her words and even the way the girl carried herself had changed but within those tough exterior she could still see Santana's heart remaining the same. Always so fierce, always so loyal and always always so giving in her own little ways. They were both different person now than they were eight years ago. But that's okay, because she realizes that even if she doesn't understand Santana now, which initially terrified her and it kinda still does, it doesn't mean she can't anymore. She just have to relearn it, like reading another book from her favourite author, and it doesn't matter how long it would take because if discovering the little bits, crevices and corners of Santana would make her feel this, she's not sure of what it was yet, but she thinks it's good. Then she thinks she wouldn't mind getting to know her friend all over again. Because learning Santana the first time around made her the happiest person. So why should the second time feel any different? She kinda feels like she's on a treasure hunt and she suddenly can't wait to unravel the little bits and pieces of Santana. It would be worth it because Santana was someone that, at one point, had made her feel so special and she would always cherish that.

"Ugh. Just eat it before I change my mind and chuck that thing out of the window."

"How'd you even get this choco muffin? I asked for this earlier and that girl told me it was sold out."

"Let's just say I have my ways Fabray. Don't underestimate the Lopez charm." Santana said smugly as she wiggled her fingers in front of a disgusted Quinn.

"That bitch was hiding it from me. But ugh. I don't need to know what you did to get this."

Brittany feels a turmoil inside her chest when she hears Santana. But she easily brush it aside when she sees the brunette taking out a cheese bagel. She suddenly feels giddy. It was the same cheese bagel Santana used to ask for. It was something small but seeing Santana with that same order made her smile all the more.

"You've really changed San," Brittany said. "But at the same time you're still the same."

The brunette looked at her, almost surprised, before she meticulously raised her left eyebrow. "And you're still just the same blondie, except a whole lot more..._you_."

Brittany beamed. "Thanks."

"Totally wasn't a compliment." Santana frowned munching on her bagel.

Quinn snorted. "Totally was."

"Seriously Fabray you should get the snort fix. People might think you have a problem."

"Shut up," Quinn huffed. "You're lucky you gave me a muffin even if it came from whatever sketchy thing you did."

"Anyways," Santana rolled her eyes ignoring Quinn. "You never answered my question blondie." She turned and fixes her direction to Brittany. "You stalking me again?"

"I think you must have hit your _head_," Brittany raises her eyebrow challengingly, watching Santana eyes widen slightly before it flickered with amusement. "Because it's the other way around."

"You don't say?" Santana hummed. "I-" Before Santana could continue her phone rang instantly snapping her attention away from Brittany. "Riley where the hell are you?" She exclaimed as soon as she picked up. She was secretly thankful for the timing of the girl but at the same time she kinda wants to choke her cause if Riley came in time she wouldn't have to be in here right now having to deal with Fabray and blondie's presence.

Brittany was curious as to who Santana was talking to. But she didn't dwell much on it as her eyes drifted to Quinn who shrugged while mumbling, "her friend" and continued to eat.

It wasn't till a few seconds after that that Santana hung up and quickly stood up saying how she needs to get her drinks on so she's leaving asap before she gets blinded from the blondies surrounding her.

Quinn just waved her off while Brittany just nodded. She feels slightly sad seeing Santana's retreating back once again.

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NOTE: Thank you guys for all the fav., follow and review. It means a lot. :) Sorry for all the typos and grammatical errors. English is my second language so I know there's tons of it in there. Anyways I hope you like this chapter. It's kinda long. It took a while for me to upload it cause I've been busy with exams. :S I know this story is progressing rather slow but I'm a sucker for buildup in the stories. And oh I don't own any of the characters. I wish I did though. hahaha


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